I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
