the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
