AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
