i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
