I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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