with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
