I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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