The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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