i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
