Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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