Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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