we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
