i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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