all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
