Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
