you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We need to get me chipped asap
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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