my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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