my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I fill condoms, not promises.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
