she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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