dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
And the cops told us we were all naked.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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