Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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