im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think my fart just growled at me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
