so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
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shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
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I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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