Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
