what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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