I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed