It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
