We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.