you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.