It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.