shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
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If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.