my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
ugly people sure do ruin things
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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