How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
