420 ftw
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Redeem this text for a blowjob
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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