She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
