All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize