He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
