about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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