First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
