My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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