New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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