when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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