I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
