is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
