Your face is a jimmy john
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
