Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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