haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
