I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
