two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
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btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
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We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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