Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
