I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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