I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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