i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
