ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
