i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
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We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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