sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
