can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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