It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Randomize
