All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
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She's just so happy...and so naked.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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