i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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