I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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