He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you traded sex for a burrito?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
